I became very nostalgic reading these long articles...
And decided it is time to start again...
Put some thoughts into words...
Share my feeling...
Because I actually think that helps...
I'm living in a constant background sound of screaming, music, and laughs...
Where did the silent nights go? Where did my sleep go?
I think it is pretty normal if I tell you that anybody that has a lack of sleep loses some of their positive characteristics... Like the ability to smile, or at least to fake happiness...
Yeah I would say that I'm not really unhappy, because I love where I am and all, but I have to admit that I am losing confidence in myself... I actually think that I am a coward sometimes...
Which makes me think of the lyrics to a song: from Cocoon: I am such a coward, I could win an award you may not believe me, but I will be ok... be ok... Yeah instead of facing the problems... I'm admitting the fact that I am sometimes just taking the blame on me... and not caring about my own health... not good... But can I really do anything? Dilemma is: I like it here, I just feel very different to some people; and I cannot adjust to that situation...
What can I say? What can I do?
Yesterday, having no more money left I decided that I would stay in and watch a movie.
Like every time I feel like watching a movie I think about a favorite... Into the wild...
Yes... and it helps: I'm going to put some more quotes in there!
“The most important is not to be strong but to feel strong...”
Seriously isn't that the greatest quote ever? But I have to say that I am facing some difficulties, feeling strong, or just feeling good about myself. I think I have always needed somebody to tell me that I was doing right, that I was worth it... And now that I don't have that kind of people in my life, I feel like something is missing. What I mean is that you can be really strong and feel strong but still need this support that you know is there if you fall...
Am I getting too deep?
Or just too pathetic? Just complaining about all the bad things that are happening to me without doing anything about it... Yeah I know... I should but that's the problem I can't find the right support right now... There are probably plenty of helpers out there wanting to be there for me, but they seem to have forgotten me ...
Another quote that came across my mind:
“Happiness only real when shared. “
Into the wild again,
I would add something to that, shared with friends, or people who cares, that seems obvious... but it's not that obvious, you surely could be happy with a perfect stranger, but is it real happiness then?
I have the feeling that I have been having lots and lots of happy moments here with some people that I have only known for a couple of months... But because we live 24/7 on campus, together... well that certainly makes bonds become stronger...
But Can I really say that I know these people, are they true friends? They surely are true friends, because they are there when bad moments arise, they are there when you are happy and want to share something, their shoulders are available, however, they are not best friends...
It is a very difficult wait to express this... They are really close to you but at the same time it's not like it used to be... Sometimes we just meet people we know will be our best friends... I'm not saying that that would last forever and ever, but true friend is not necessarily the same as best friend...
I mean I surely am going to miss some people, when I go home for my 2 months holidays... But what about those people that you realize that you are missing just when you are not with them or don't talk to them for a week...
I need to have a bond with my best friends, doesn't always have to be the same person, just to know that I'm not moving too far away and letting my past just disappear... That would be a shame!
I'm in such a mood that I don't really realize what and how much I am writing... This log is actually from October, but I have kept adding stuff, now and then so it is getting longer and longer...
I hope you guys reading this don't mind it...
So soon I'm going to be back home for Christmas... That is something I have really been looking forward to, get to relax a little bit get away from the crazy student life that haunts me ;)
I'm still so happy to be here, I'm getting better at accepting others that's a good improvement I think, but at the same time I am also showing people a little bit more of what I am.. This might or might not be a very good thing... Indeed I can be a little special sometimes, but who isn't? I mean we all have our moments, our own personalities, and opinions...that sometimes don't agree...
I think it is time for this article to get online... I shouldn't be adding stuff all the time...
Oh well here we are...
And I'm too lazy to read everything I have been talking about...
So see you next time!
Xxx
S.
And decided it is time to start again...
Put some thoughts into words...
Share my feeling...
Because I actually think that helps...
I'm living in a constant background sound of screaming, music, and laughs...
Where did the silent nights go? Where did my sleep go?
I think it is pretty normal if I tell you that anybody that has a lack of sleep loses some of their positive characteristics... Like the ability to smile, or at least to fake happiness...
Yeah I would say that I'm not really unhappy, because I love where I am and all, but I have to admit that I am losing confidence in myself... I actually think that I am a coward sometimes...
Which makes me think of the lyrics to a song: from Cocoon: I am such a coward, I could win an award you may not believe me, but I will be ok... be ok... Yeah instead of facing the problems... I'm admitting the fact that I am sometimes just taking the blame on me... and not caring about my own health... not good... But can I really do anything? Dilemma is: I like it here, I just feel very different to some people; and I cannot adjust to that situation...
What can I say? What can I do?
Yesterday, having no more money left I decided that I would stay in and watch a movie.
Like every time I feel like watching a movie I think about a favorite... Into the wild...
Yes... and it helps: I'm going to put some more quotes in there!
“The most important is not to be strong but to feel strong...”
Seriously isn't that the greatest quote ever? But I have to say that I am facing some difficulties, feeling strong, or just feeling good about myself. I think I have always needed somebody to tell me that I was doing right, that I was worth it... And now that I don't have that kind of people in my life, I feel like something is missing. What I mean is that you can be really strong and feel strong but still need this support that you know is there if you fall...
Am I getting too deep?
Or just too pathetic? Just complaining about all the bad things that are happening to me without doing anything about it... Yeah I know... I should but that's the problem I can't find the right support right now... There are probably plenty of helpers out there wanting to be there for me, but they seem to have forgotten me ...
Another quote that came across my mind:
“Happiness only real when shared. “
Into the wild again,
I would add something to that, shared with friends, or people who cares, that seems obvious... but it's not that obvious, you surely could be happy with a perfect stranger, but is it real happiness then?
I have the feeling that I have been having lots and lots of happy moments here with some people that I have only known for a couple of months... But because we live 24/7 on campus, together... well that certainly makes bonds become stronger...
But Can I really say that I know these people, are they true friends? They surely are true friends, because they are there when bad moments arise, they are there when you are happy and want to share something, their shoulders are available, however, they are not best friends...
It is a very difficult wait to express this... They are really close to you but at the same time it's not like it used to be... Sometimes we just meet people we know will be our best friends... I'm not saying that that would last forever and ever, but true friend is not necessarily the same as best friend...
I mean I surely am going to miss some people, when I go home for my 2 months holidays... But what about those people that you realize that you are missing just when you are not with them or don't talk to them for a week...
I need to have a bond with my best friends, doesn't always have to be the same person, just to know that I'm not moving too far away and letting my past just disappear... That would be a shame!
I'm in such a mood that I don't really realize what and how much I am writing... This log is actually from October, but I have kept adding stuff, now and then so it is getting longer and longer...
I hope you guys reading this don't mind it...
So soon I'm going to be back home for Christmas... That is something I have really been looking forward to, get to relax a little bit get away from the crazy student life that haunts me ;)
I'm still so happy to be here, I'm getting better at accepting others that's a good improvement I think, but at the same time I am also showing people a little bit more of what I am.. This might or might not be a very good thing... Indeed I can be a little special sometimes, but who isn't? I mean we all have our moments, our own personalities, and opinions...that sometimes don't agree...
I think it is time for this article to get online... I shouldn't be adding stuff all the time...
Oh well here we are...
And I'm too lazy to read everything I have been talking about...
So see you next time!
Xxx
S.
